Do you know that saying “the grass is greener on the other side?” If you haven’t, it’s very similar to wanting something you don’t have because you think your life will be better once you have it. I have subscribed to this thought for years now and I have come to realize it’s a LIE.
You see, during my last year of teaching I started getting this itch that my life wasn’t where I wanted it. I mean yeah — I had gotten myself abroad like I wanted but part of me couldn’t help but feel as if something was missing. Perhaps a corporate 9-5 working in marketing for a larger corporation. I know this sounds strange but I did go to school for a degree that I wasn’t using and I felt extremely guilty that I wasn’t paying off debt or advancing my career.
I remember sitting by the river thinking what my life would have been like if I stayed in the U.S to find a job. How much money would I have in the bank? What type of connections would I have? Could I have left my job to move abroad after a few years? These types of questions are what motivated me to move back and discover what could be. Now that I’m back I can confidently say, I wasn’t missing out on much.
I have a job that provides me a desk to sit at so I can now partake in the 9-5. The big benefit is that I am making more money here than I was in Spain, however my rent is like 3x the price of what it was so a bit of give-and-take there. The position I currently hold is not at all what I want to do forever. I merely accepted it as it was the first one to offer me a job when I moved back and while I am grateful I have the same “what if” thoughts pop up as I did back laying by the river. I seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I keep applying for various marketing but regrettably hear the word “no ” more often than not. Or I get the infamous email that reads “unfortunately we have decided to move forward with other other candidates.” Which is always a hard pill to swallow but do I really want to work for a company that uses the word “unfortunately?” Absolutely not. I guess the point of this rant is to remind myself that I get to choose where the grass is green. And I want it to be green where I water it, regardless of where in the world that might be. Even if I keep getting rejected I have to keep moving forward and water the grass that I stand on.
Coffee and Tati 